It would be just so nice to be able to say hello and have you answer. It is a tough few days at the moment. I thought getting a new job was going to be easier than this. I remember how proud you were of me that I managed to get my degree all these years after dropping so spectacularly of high school. I even knew what career to go for - teaching. I cried the day I finished my teacher training with such sadness that you weren't around to say well done.
But now I would love to have a drop of the encouragement and wisdom you gave so easily. I am tired of feeling a complete loser - no one likes rejection and I am particularly lousy at taking it. I take it so personally with every 'no thanks' letter. We had such a rocky few years Dad but I had come to rely on you for making me feel that little bit better when things didn't go so well. It was so important to me that I make you feel proud ... perhaps after all the years where I made you feel so rotton ... it was time for payback!
Nothing in the world prepared me for walking without you. I wasn't ready for you to not be there. I dont think you were either. I know you weren't. Death is such a bummer. We both lost control of what should have happened .. not good for control freaks! I am so sorry you are gone.
I miss you to the moon ... and back, my lovely Dad
x
Hi Becky:
ReplyDeleteAs you may know from visiting my blog, my mom died in November 2008. Her death wasn't sudden. She lived almost a year after she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. But it was a very painful death for her, and it was painful for me to watch. I haven't gotten over losing my mom.
The title of your post caught my eye. I talk to my mom all the time and it would be nice to hear her voice again, to have her respond to what I am saying. Almost a year ago, I wrote my mom a letter about having just 5 minutes with her to make things "right" (http://peace4me521.wordpress.com/2009/09/15/5minutes). I wish I could talk to her again. There's so much I need to tell her. I miss my mom deeply.
Take care,
Kathy