Off on holiday tomorrow ...

Well, we are off on holiday tomorrow. WE are taking Mum with us and going to COrnwall for a week. It is funny how the thought of it causes this pain in my chest. It is because we have been there so often before and several of those times with you. I keep imagining the places we will visit with you in the photos ... but mising this time. How can it be? How can it be that you are gone and we are holidaying without you? You would have thought I would have gotten used to this by now, but I still cant believe you are gone. It is like a record stuck, stuttering 'no, you cant be gone' over and over.

I am sorry because I feel that my lousy grieving skills must be driving you nuts! You would have wanted me to do this so much better. You would want us to be at the celebrating you life part by now but I still cant accept the bit about you being dead yet. Did you ever have any idea at the sheer magnitude of the hole you were going leave behind? I doubt it because you never really saw yourself as others did.

I will miss you, your terrible jokes, your organisation, your mediation skills and your driving. Most of all I will miss you being there, just there, to laugh with and putting the world to rights with.

i love you my lovely dad ... thank you for all you were ... and are still.
Becky
xxx