Well today was fun. I drove the kids to Cadbury World. It made me think of you because the day that you left us we were on our way there when I got the phonecall. In six weeks it was the first time that I had not been at the hospital by your side, with Mum, hanging on every beep of machinery and improvement in blood gas numbers. I was told it would be good to give the kids a day off, get them away from the hospital. It was the last thing I felt like doing. You had had your eyes open that morning. They were so cloudy but I know you were in there. When I said where we were off to you raised your eyebrows as if to say 'typical!'. I am so glas you were there that morning. They had been unable to rouse you for the previous two days so it seemed like progress. I said goodbye, I remember kissing your head, trying to get to it amid the wires and machinery, and I stroked your hair. Two hours later you had gone. The drive back was hell. I look back now and am so sorry that I had nothing to give to the kids. I offered them no comfort or strength - I was totally engulfed in my own shock and pain.
Today was about them. I didn't really feel like going (again) but we had fun. We ate chocolate and played music all the journey ... loudly! They both love music and that is something I always have and always will attribute to you. Your voice and you passion for music was passed on to us and in turn I have passed it on. And I have to say I think you would even approve of their taste in music (mostly!).
I would love to hear you sing, my lovely Dad. I stand in church and can still hear an echo of your voice.
Lov you xx
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